The one where I tell myself maybe it's really time to get away from tech support...

As at most work places, to dial an outside number, you dial zero..

I do that at home.. I've always done that.. that's nothing new....

A few months ago.. I started doing that when dialing a number on my mobile...

But today.. today takes the cake...

Phone rings...

TSM: Tech support my name is.. oh crap..
Friend: Hahaha.. you're a loser..
TSM: shut up bitch...

It was my mobile ringing, and I was on a train...

I wear a headset at work.. with my mobile, I have to find it in my bag, press a key to answer it, and I still answered it like I was at work!

It is really time to find a new job and get the hell away from call centres..

And with the company I work for probably being sold off, the timing isn't too bad..

And also on that note, I'm on holidays as of 11pm tomorrow and won't be back for two weeks or so!

Wheeee : )

The one where my co-workers make me cry...

I'll be the first to admit that I haven't been the world's most happy camper of lately.. I am very long overdue for a holiday and I'm not one to be suffering no fools.. customers or co-workers...

Now and again, when ordering out, i.e at the local noodle place or something, I will send around an e-mail to those on the floor, asking if they want anything.

I'll also give specific instructions like, e-mail me what you want, and come drop the money on my desk, or I'll come around and get the money, when I'll be placing the other, etc etc etc..

I use to also organise pizza as well, but I hadn't done that for the longest time... probably long enough for me to forget why... but now I remember why I didn't organise pizza.

Most people don't want a whole pizza, so my instructions were to either get a pizza on your own, or find a pizza buddy and then e-mail me in a seperate e-mail with the subject "pizza" with what they wanted, including what kind of pizza base (thin, thick, etc etc)

I also included the time(s) when I'd be ordering, and when the pizza would be expected to arrive, and a link to the website pizza menu.

I also said to specify a time they prefer, either 7 or 8.. cause some people have dinner early, some have dinner late and I could possibly do two orders if there were enough people.

Number of people that got it right, 0.
Number of people that specified a time preference, 1.
Number of people complaining about what time the pizza would arrive, 9.
Number of times I had to e-mail people back asking them things they left out, 7.
Number of pizza buddies I had to find, because they couldn't find one themselves 2.
Number of times I had to re-send original e-mails with certain parts of it in extra large font, because co-workers didn't bother to read it properly in the first place, 6.
Number of times I had to go over to a co-workers desk, find the e-mail, and click on the link I had included to the pizza menu, because co-worker didn't bother to read the e-mail properly, 1.
How many times in future I will try to organise pizza's again?? 0

P.S To the pink/black/white/orange/green haired one, I know sending the original e-mail bolded twice didn't exactly help you out, but if you thought about it for maybe 30 seconds, you would have figured it out.

P.P.S Remember the pub e-mail I sent out? with the directions on how to get there, and then you replied immediately with "where is it[the pub]"... so I thought you were being a n00b again : P

The one where my male co-worker gives me naprogesic..

For those who don't know, naprogesic is something females take when it's that time of month.

I'm on a call and I see one of my co-workers waving a packet of blue pills.

I thought I had dropped them or something, cause I do take them sometimes..

TSM: Wha?
MCW: I have a bit of a headache, if I take these, will these work?
TSM: Do you know what those pills are for?
MCW: Yeah, for stomach pain..
TSM: They aren't antacids or anything..
MCW: Yeah I know that.. I had a bit of pain in my gut, and my roommate told me to take these, and it worked.
TSM: Err okay.. you know they are for females when it's that time of the month..
MCW: Oh.. okay.. well it worked anyway..
TSM: But.. err.. okay.. never mind, here, try these for your headache.. (I hand over the panadol)
MCW: We'll trade okay? you can have these...
TSM: Oh.. okay.. thanks..

In other news, only 4 more work shifts left before I go on holidays for 2 weeks and a bit!

The one that makes me cry...

Forget world peace, world peace is overrated, we wouldn't know what to do if we achieved world peace anyway..

What you should all wish for, is for common sense! common sense for everyone! and that would make the world a better place..

TSM: Tech Support, my name is TSM, how can I help you?
Customer: I've been having trouble logging on, I get an error message saying that my modem isn't responding.
TSM: Okay, how many times have you gotten this message?
Customer: For about 5 days now, I've been trying everyday..
TSM: So this has been going on for a while then...
Customer: Yes.. I thought it would go away.
TSM: oh.. right (yes.. cause things just magically fix themselves)..

(Going in, trying to query modem, unable to)

TSM: Do you have any fax software? have you changed any settings?
Customer: No! not at all.
TSM: You'll need to get your modem checked out then.
Customer: Aren't you a technician, can't you fix it?
TSM: No, it looks like you have a hardware issue, we're an internet service provider.
Customer: So you can't fix it?
TSM: No, there's not much I can do for you over the phone.
Customer: Who's going to compensate me for my time offline?
TSM: You haven't been able to connect because you had a problem with your modem, and you waited 5 days to call us, and now you want to be compensated?
Customer: Of course! I pay for this service and I haven't been able to use it.
TSM: Okay, let me transfer you to accounts, you can discuss that with them, bye!

Ahh, I love having nothing to do with billing.. dealing with people and money isn't fun...

The one where I feel like killing myself and it's only 4:05pm on a Monday.

My god, the pain! the pain! if I wasn't going away on holidays in 8 working shifts, I would seriously kill someone/myself..

Reasons to kill myself are as follows..

TSM: Delete everything in the address bar and type this address in..
Customer: should I delete the www???
TSM: Delete EVERYTHING in the address bar...

Sometimes it's just easier to just repeat myself until customers get the idea..

TSM: Click the OK button, you will get an error message, just click OK on it.
Customer: Oh, I get an error message, windows blah blah
TSM: I said click OK on the error message!

As much as I hate to do, sometimes you have to treat the customer like an idiot, that's the only way they'll learn.

TSM: Type in your full e-mail address...
Customer: My name?
TSM: No, your full e-mail address..
Customer: ksmith??
TSM: When I asked you for your e-mail address before, what did you give me?
Customer: kmith@isp.com
TSM: Type in your full e-mail address..

later on

TSM: Okay, type in your full e-mail address again..
Customer: Kmsith@isp.com right?
TSM: Yes! : ) yayyyy! I was able to teach you something today!

My job is not to sound happy, I will sound happy if you are competent, is that fair??

Customer: You don't sound too happy, having a bad day?
TSM: No, I was having a perfectly good day until I got you, you who doesn't know what a fricken hyphen is, or basic computer skills, like finding the start button.

The someone else I want to kill are co-workers..

I have 1 basic rules with co-workers, unless I consider you a friend, don't touch me, don't touch my stuff.

(This isn't as snobby as it sounds, when working with smelly dirty boys, it's a very good rule to have)

When I leave my stuff on a desk (okay, so I didn't log into the computer, when maybe I should have, but I was in a rush and wanted to eat my lunch before logging in), don't move it and say you didn't know.

I HAD A BLOODY UMBRELLA AND A GIRLY MAGAZINE! IF THAT ISN'T AN INDICATION OF SOMEONE SITTING THERE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS!!!!

N.B Some parts of my response maybe have only been in my head...

The one where the customer doesn't believe me... as usual..

Urgh, blogger was being a tart, and has swallowed some of my entries, and one that I was working on, so I gave up for the day.

That was Thursday, and here's a gem from Friday...

I don't know what it is, if it's cause I'm female, I sound much younger than I am, or that I sound too tired to care, but for some reason, a lot of customers feel the need to question me or what I advise them..

Especially older male "computer technicians"...

TSM: Tech support, my name is TSM, how can I help you?
Computer Technician: ARE THINGS WORKING ON YOUR END??? IS YOUR SYSTEM DOWN??? I CAN'T LOG ON!
TSM: No, things on our end are fine, let me bring up your details.
CT: This isn't my account, I'm calling on behalf of Mr Smith, I'm his computer technician and I can't log on.
TSM: Okay, what password are you using?
CT: can't you see the password?
TSM: No, I can't, we don't keep a copy of the password on the system.
CT: I don't know if I should give you the password.
TSM: That's fine, we can reset it.
CT: No, I don't want to reset it.
TSM: okay then...
CT: what else can we do?
TSM: Well you're telling me you can't log on, but you don't want me to test the username & password and you don't want me to reset it, I'm not sure what else I can do for you.
CT: you don't need to be so rude, I'm a computer technician! I know this username & password is right, it must be your end.
TSM: Our system is fine, we don't have any outages at the moment. If you are sure you are using the right password, are you using the right username name? (I read out the username, spelling it out)
CT: Yes of course I am! I know what the username is...

TSM: *sighs* okay, how about I give you my details and if you can log in with that, well then you'll know the system isn't down.

(One thing this company does give us, is a free-dial up account... haha... cause that's so much use to me being on DSL and all)

CT: Yes, I've logged on...
TSM: So our systems aren't down... now do you want me to reset the password?
CT: No, okay.. I'll give you the password...
TSM: Sorry, I can't log on with that, the password isn't working.
CT: but that's the password!
TSM: I'll try that again (I test that login via two other ways incase I'm being a n00b), sorry, that still isn't working.
CT: That's been the password for at least a year, here, let me get the account holder.

(yeah.. like getting the account holder to verify the password is going to suddenly make it valid???)

Acc holder: Yes, that's the password, it's been that for years!
TSM: That may be the case, but it's not working, so we need to reset it.
Acc Holder: Okay, I'll put the technician back on, can you hurry this up, it's costing me $100 an hour..
TSM: (yeah, well tell your "computer technician" to stop being an asshat, cause we could have been done by now) okay.. I'll get your details, blah blah blah..
CT: Can you reset it to what it was?
TSM: No.. because we don't keep a copy of the password on the system! your new password is.. blah blah blah..
CT: Where do I change that?
TSM: You can change it at our website once you log in...
CT: I mean on the computer..
TSM: Err, you mean for the connection?
CT: Yes!
TSM: (You're a computer technician and you don't know how to go in and change a password???) just double click on config page and change it there, thanks for calling bye!

I should go offer my services as a "computer technician", for $100 an hour I'd only have to work 3 hours a day and I'd be raking it in...

More stories involving "computer technicians" to come...

Happy Monday all..

P.S If you're reading this via the lj feed, I don't know why the formatting is all stupid, I'm trying to work on that..

The one where my co-worker is being lame..

Not only do I have to deal with frustrating customers, I also have to deal with co-workers...

I think I have as much respect for my co-workers as I do customers.. which isn't none as you think, but what they have earnt.. heh..

As demonstrated below..

LCW = Lame Co-worker

TSM: *sitting at desk, reading an article about glamourous people*
LCW: Who's that..
TSM: Nigella Lawson
LCW: Who's that...
TSM: Nigella Lawson... and for the third time, Nigella Lawson
LCW: What does she do?
TSM: She's a chef
LCW: Are you lying?
TSM: If I said she was an elephant trainer, then I'd be lying.. why would I lie for??? you're lame..
TSM: I'm putting this in my blog..

1 hour and 25mins until the weekend starts!

The one where I want to kill myself...

Eight lines to sum up my pain...

TSM: Please unplug the power to the modem and remove the USB cable...
Customer: Ok..
TSM: Both the power and USB cable, right?
Customer: Yes!

2mins later...

Customer: Did you want to me to unplug my USB cable...
TSM: So you didn't unplug the USB cable when I asked you to earlier...
Customer: No...

WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!!?????!!!! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING UP AND WASTING EVERYONE'S TIME IF YOU AREN'T GOING TO FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS??!!???

The one where I laugh at the vain asshat who got into the lift...

I know you're all wondering how I decide which call to blog about (or not), during the night, I basically jot down notes about the calls I get, and at the end of the night, I pick the best (or worst) one and write about that.

Lately my notes have been all full of bad calls, so it's depressing me to write about it.

Instead today I shall write about the vain asshat who got into the lift..

We share a building with a bunch of other companies, everyone has their own floor.

To access the hell centre, we need to swipe the magnetic thing.

Anyway, this afternoon I get into the lift, swipe, press the floor number.

This other guy jumps in after me, just presses his floor, and then proceeds to check himself out in the mirror. We're talking checking his pores, making sure no-nose or ear hair was sticking out, the works..

I'm not against guys who groom.. but puhlease.. I soo don't need to see that crap..

What he fails to notice is that his floor button didn't light up, and on the notice up the top, it says floor locked, which means you need to swipe.

Anyway, lift sails right past his floor, and stops at mine, the guy looks out, gets confused, realises it isn't his floor, swipes his card, and presses his floor.. I jump out and burst out laughing..

Man I wish I had turned around to see the expression on his face.

Apart from that, it's Wednesday, hump day.. so it's all downhill from here..

The one where I didn't get made redundant....

Sadly I didn't get made redundant, but there's a chance it could happen after January next year, so here's hoping..

I know you're probably thinking "if I want to be made redundant so badly, why don't I quit" but it's not that..

I don't hate my job, I just hate some of the customers I have to deal with...

I'm lucky I was placed in a great team, with great team mates, and that would be the hardest part about leaving... and I'm worried when the time comes that I should move on, I won't for that reason, and that's not a real great reason..

So at least if I'm made redundanct I don't have a choice.. heh..

No angsty things for a while.. or not that I can remember, one of my co-workers finished up today, I was kinda bummed about that.

I met him (and the other 5 people who were in my training group) on the day that I went for the job interview, we were in the same training group and we ended up in the same team.

And he lived nearby so he'd drop me off home at nights, and that was great, cause we'd spend the trip ranting about working and just getting it all out of the system.

So when I'd step in the front door, I'd forget all about work and enjoying my free time until I had to go back to work..

You need someone to rant about work with.. heh..

And that's all for tonight.. it's a long weekend, but sadly I have to work, but I guess the holiday overtime makes it all just a bit better : )