The one where I explain why I hate when people say "I'm not good on the computer" and things like that...

I'm pretty patient and easy going when taking calls, I don't care if it takes people a long time to do things, I don't mind explaining things if they don't understand.

What shits me, is when customer make me repeat myself over and over again, when they can't hear me because..

1. They have their spawn running around and screaming in the background
2. They have their TV turned up too loud and are too lazy to turn it down..

Customer who don't follow my instructions, and customer to keep putting me on hold to answer other calls.

Customer who just answer yes to all of my questions without understanding them..

Which brings me to todays call..

I'm too sleepy to do the usual convo stuff, plus it will probably go on for two pages..

Basically the lady couldn't connect, so we had to go through and reconfigure some stuff, and she was just clicking ahead, and of course clicking on the wrong stuff.

To add to this, she made me wait for 5 mins while she finished up her call because she had been waiting for sooo long.. (7mins and 49 seconds)

So I put her on a sanity hold (for the sake of what's left of my sanity), and make her restart.

And here we go again, she's still clicking and not following my instructions.

And my instructions are pretty clear.. i.e In the top left hand corner, click on file, or down the middle of the page look for this option, or click on the big blue e..

So I ask her to please stop clicking ahead and only click on what I tell her...

And then her phone rings, so she just goes to answer it.. without telling me..

When she comes back.. she's clicking all over the place again, and I repeat my plea for her not to do that.. then she says...

"Listen honey, not all of us are computer experts, so you'll need to be patient with me"

AND that's of the few things a customer can say that will get my blood boiling.

I politely tell her she doesn't need to be a computer expert.. I'm not asking her to do anything new, or pull anything apart, I just need her to follow my instructions.

Luckily she kinda stopped being a pain and we got her online about 3mins later...

P.S I'm not a kid hater, I just hate people who have screaming kids in the background, or worse, holding a screaming kid, who's screaming in my ear..

P.P.S The second thing that customers say that makes my blood boil is when they say "listen, I'm paying for this tech support and I want you to help me".. we advertise that we provide FREE tech support, on our invoices, there is no entry where you are charged for tech support.. and as they say.. everything is worth what you pay for...

P.P.P.S Heh.. I just overhead one of my co-workers telling a customer.. "I need you to help me first, before I can help you.. " hehe..

P.P.P.P.S We're having a team meeting today though our team meetings are normally on friday.. and apparently there will be good news...

I'm hoping for redundency.. hehe..

The one where I smack myself in the forehead so hard the customer asks me what that noise was...

At the ISP that I work for, if you have an ADSL account, you automatically get dial up access.

Call drops in.. (this is yet another long one.. these ones really drain me..)

TSM: Tech Support my name is TSM, how can I help you?
Customer: I just set up ADSL on my laptop and I can get online but it's so slow.

(Get the customer details, etc etc etc, customer has an ADSL account. With our ADSL modems once the modem is configured, in theory you should be able to plug the modem into any computer and the modem will connect you up.)

TSM: So you're online, able to browse and get your e-amils but it's slow, is that right?
Customer: Yes that's right, normally it comes up so much faster.
TSM: Are you online right now?
Customer: Yes I am.
TSM: Okay, can you browse to a website for me, try www.cat.com (the less things you have to get them to type, the better)
Customer: It's saying page is unavaliable while offline.
TSM: Okay, click connect.
Customer: I can't, I'm on the phone.
TSM: That's okay we're not dialing up, internet explorer must have been in offline mode so we're going online.

(Customer clicks connect, I hear my favourite sound in the world.. NOT! a modem dialing up)

TSM: Err, your modem is dialing up, are you using a dial up modem.
Customer: Yes
TSM: But you said you set up ADSL on your computer.
Customer: Yes that's right.
TSM: But you're using a dial up modem.
Customer: Yes... I don't understand
TSM: (I felt like saying neither do I) Okay, now you have an ADSL account, but you're using a dial up modem to connect, therefore you'll be on dial up speeds.
Customer: No, I shouldn't be, I have ADSL on my line, I'm paying for it, it should be faster than this.
TSM: But you are connecting with a dial up modem!
Customer: But I have an ADSL account!

(This is where, just out of habit, I slap myself on the forehead and I happen to do it rather loudly, and yes.. it hurt.. )

Customer: What was that noise?
TSM: I just dropped something, okay lets go back to the beginning. How did you get online before you were using laptop.
Customer: My computer in the other room.
TSM: Okay, lets go to that computer.
Customer: Hey, my internet is working on this one! and it's much faster than the latop.
TSM: Yeah okay, now next to the computer can you see a little box with flashing lights on it and it should say "ADSL modem" on it.
Customer: Yes..
TSM: Well you need to connect that to your laptop to get online via ADSL.
Customer: Wasn't I online before?
TSM: Yes but that was through dial up connection, using your dial up modem.
Customer: Isn't it the same?
TSM: No, okay, now what you'll need to do is plug that ADSL modem into your laptop, if you want to access the internet via ADSL
Customer: Can I still get to the same sites and access my e-mail through this internet?
TSM: Yes.. there's only one internet, but there are several different ways to connect to it.
Customer: But my friend uses a different internet, she doesn't use internet explorer.
TSM: Well she might be using a different company to get online.
Customer: So it is a different internet then?

(I hate when customers get into ask irrelevant question mode, I've told her what she needs to get online, now is when she needs to get off my phone).

TSM: Lets say the internet is the road.. so everyone uses the same road, yeah?
Customer: Yes..
TSM: And the cars on the road are like, Internet Explorer, Netscape, Firefox, so everyone uses a different one.. are you still with me?
Customer: Yes
TSM: And think of different internet companies as petrol.. So everyone uses the same internet/road, but everyone has different cars/browses and uses different types and brand of petrol...
Customer: Oh, I see.. so why can't I use my dial up modem?
TSM: ARRRRUUUGHHHH!

Okay, I didn't say that part.. though I wanted to..

TSM: You can use your dial up modem, but you will only get slow speeds. If you use your ADSL modem, you get faster access.
Customer: So the ADSL modem is a faster modem?
TSM: (At this point I don't care anymore, I just want her off my phone) Yes, it's a faster modem, so connect that up and see how you go, thanks for calling BYE!

In other news, I was prepared for work today, I had snacks, I have my locker key, I bought a bottle of water.. AND! I got a special pen "in appreciation of 1 year of service"... and I'm 15 days short of a year.. heh.. not that I'm counting.

The one where it's Monday...

My day so far..

1. I've had very little sleep
2. I've forgotten my locker key = no headset, no mug, no coffee, no drawing book, no colouring pencils.
3. Hot/cold water tap is broken = no tea (and I don't like the work coffee..)
4. Vending Can machine broken, not enough change for other vending machine = still no caffiene.
5.My train was running late so I didn't have time to pick up snacks for work.
6. They are showing the practice, and the sex and city at the same time tonight and alas I can only tape one : (

And it's only 4:23pm (my shift started at 4pm..) it's going to be a looooong night...

Moral of this story.. be nice to tech support people on Monday...

The one where I'm reminded that common sense isn't always so common...

I think I should change the name of my blog from Life of a tech support monkey to Life of a call centre monkey... there's nothing too technical that I need to do in my job it's mostly hand holding and explain things to customers in ways which they can understand...

Like tonight's call.. this is a long one folks..

Customer calls in, her computer isn't detecting her ADSL modem, therefore won't connect, but modem lights are all happy and good, meaning all should be fine..

Call drops in
TSM: Tech support, my name is TSM, how can I help you?
Customer: I can't get my e-mails, I can't get in touch with my friends and I'm waiting on a really really important e-mail and I need to get online now.
TSM: Okay well how about I get your account details first.

(I bring up her details, etc etc etc)

TSM: Okay, so when you try to connect what happens?
Customer: Nothing happens! I can't get online, I can't get my e-mail! I need to get online right now!
TSM: We will get you online, but back to the problem, so nothing at all happens when you click on the little connect icon?
Customer: Well it says there's no modem installed.
TSM: Okay, so something IS happening.
Customer: No it isn't! I can't get online!

(This is where I give up trying to get any useful information from the customer)

TSM: It looks like we need to uninstall and reinstall your modem, because your computer can't detect it.
Customer: But why? it was working yesterday?
TSM: Is it working now?
Customer: No..
TSM: So then we need to try to get it working, and since your computer isn't detecting the modem, the first step would be to reinstall it.
Customer: I don't think I want to reinstall the modem, because I know it's working, it was working yesterday!
TSM: But you have told me it isn't working now, is that right?
Customer: Yes.

(this is the part that kills me.. they admit what the problem is, but it still doesn't click.. I can hear the electric signals going off in her brain, but they just aren't making a connection... )

TSM:...... (I just don't know what to say at this point)...
Customer: Are you there?? hello?? HELLO!!!
TSM: Yes, I'm here.. but I'm not sure what you want me to do..
Customer: You're tech support, you're suppose to help me..
TSM: I gave you my suggestion and you don't want to do it, and that's fine, but I'm not sure what else to do..
Customer: Well if I reinstall the modem will it make everything work?
TSM: I can't guarantee it will, but I'm pretty sure it will work..
Customer: So you're not sure it will definitely work..
TSM: That's right..
Customer: So why should I do that then?


(here is where I refrain from yelling, fine.. don't do it.. lets just sit here and cry all night about how it worked yesterday.. now get off my phone you psycho woman! and where I start to use my "okay, you obviously don't understand the bigger picture, lets break it down, and I'll speak nice and slowly " voice)

TSM: You can't get online, yes?? and you can't get online because right now, your computer can't phyiscally see your modem. You are telling the computer to connect, but it doesn't know what to try to connect with, it's like me telling you to click on some icon, if you can't see it, you can't click on it. So first step, we need to reinstall your modem, reinstall the files your computer needs to see your modem, therefore let you connect.

(I give her a moment, hoping that some of this is getting through, obviously it doesn't.. )

If that doesn't work, we can go from there but lets try that first..

Customer: Oh, alright.. I still don't think it's going to work..

All that talking took 15mins, it took less than 10mins to reinstall the drivers, and get it working... *sighs*

And at the end of it all, she tells I should be more patient with customers, because not everyone is "good on the computer".

I'll get into that another time about why I hate hate hate people who use that excuse..

The one where a customer goes berko at me beacuse he has rung the wrong company.

(Just for the record, I work for an ISP, and all we do is internet access, no telephone services of any kind, no mobile phone services).

Call drops in..
TSM: Welcome to Tech Support, my name is TSM, how can I help you?
Berko Customer: Is number XX XXXX XXXX a local call for me?
TSM: I can't advise you of that, you need to speak to your phone service provider.
Berko Custoemr: Isn't that youse guys (urgh, I hate the word "youse").
TSM: No that is not, we only provide internet access.
Berko Customer: So I've waited on the phone for 20 bloody minutes for you to tell me that you can't help me? this is fucking bullshit!
TSM: I'm sorry but you called the wrong company, find out who your phone service provider is and get in touch with them.
Berko Customer: Youse can get fucked
TSM: Thanks for calling, Goodbye!

I envy customers sometimes.. I really want to live in that kind of delusional state where I can ring up any place and just go nuts at someone about something that has nothing to do with them.. it must be fun.

The one where I call for Tech Support...

and even on the other end, I'm treated like a monkey...

Though monkeys are quite smart.. so I guess I wasn't treated like a monkey..

I have a netgear wireless router, it's pretty, it has flashing lights, but I am yet to get it working...

After repeadly telling the guy my ADSL modem works, I can get online, I can browse to netgear router but netgear router doesn't want to connect, he still insists it's something to do with my ADSL modem and to check my connection... URGH!

I tell him once again my connection is fine, he then asks me to browse to a website, I tell him I can't because the router won't connect to the internet.

He tells me once again to check my connection.

I calmly explain to him that if I remove the router that's between the computer and the ADSL modem, my connection works, when I add the router, I can connect to the router but then the router doesn't connect to the internet.

Anyone want to guess what he tells me?

I thank him for his time hang up, browse some websites with my PERFECTLY FINE ADSL MODEM and connection and think I can try something else..

If I can't get it working by the end of the week, I will call a friend in for help.. heh...

The one where I'm called arrogant..

Welcome to my first entry..

Call drops in
TSM : Tech support, my name is TSM, how can I help you
Lady: Can you hold, I'm on another call
TSM: Err, okay...

Five minutes later..

Lady: I want to go online with ADSL.
TSM: Ok, do you have an account with us.
Lady: No, not yet.
TSM: Okay then, have you registered an account with us (sometimes they just need their account activated).
Lady: No I haven't, I want ADSL.
TSM: So you want to register for an account then.
Lady: No, I just want ADSL.
TSM: You need to register for ADSL first, I need to transfer you to registrations (we have a people who do registrations, I'm not one of them).
Lady: (starting to get psycho) I've waited on hold for 30mins, and now you're going to transfer me.
TSM : (saying in a very calm voice) I'm sorry, but I'm in technical support, I can help you if you have an account with us, you don't have one, so I need to transfer you to registrations so you can register one first.
Lady: (yelling) you don't need to be arrogant with me.
TSM: (sighing) I'm sorry, but I'm not being arrogrant, I'm just trying to explain to you what needs to be done.
Lady: (Yelling) YOU'RE BEING ARROGANT WITH ME! It wasn't my fault I went through to the wrong line, I was transferred here! Can't you see that??? WHAT IS YOUR NAME
TSM: My name is TSM, I advised you at the beginning of the call, and no, we have no way of telling if a call has been transfered, now would you like me to transfer you to registrations?
Lady: YOU DON'T NEED TO BE ARROGANT WITH ME!
TSM: I'm transfering you to registrations.

Grrl, sometimes customer will throw anything at you, whether it's relevant or not.

And the following message was left by one of the team leaders, when I walked away from my computer.

(Team leaders name is Craig - may not be actual name)

GOD CRAIG IS SOOOOOOOO DREAMY>
I LOVE HIM SO!!!