The one where I wonder if customers actually think about what they say..

TSM: XYZ bank support, my name is TSM, how can I help you?
Cust: Do you have a feature on your site where I as soon as I click the "upload file" button, it points to where I saved my file.
TSM: No, I'm sorry we don't, do you always save the file to the same location?
Cust: No, I use different locations.
TSM: oh, right, no, I'm sorry we don't.
Cust: Do you know if any other banks have that feature?
TSM: No, I only know about XYZ bank (Cause that's where I WORK you idiot), and I can't really speak for other banks.

URGH! Are customers really that dumb that they think I'm going to recommend another bank? hello!

The one where customers wish time travel were possible..

Call drops in..

TSM: XYZ software support, my name is TSM how can I help you?
Cust: I'm trying to add a file but it's giving me a date error.
TSM: What is the date on your file?
Cust: 3rd of Feb.
TSM: Today is the 8th of Feb
Cust: so?
TSM: You're giving the system a file to process, with a date that has already passed...
Cust: Are you saying it's not going to work?
TSM: (I refrain from saying, if you want to try again in 1000years, if the system is still around, yes, it would work!) Um.. no.. it's not going to work.. the file has to be dated for today, or future dated, not the past.. because it's already passed...
Cust: Oh..
TSM: Would you like me to explain that to you again?
Cust: No, it's okay, I'll go speak to my manager
TSM: Ok, do that..

*shakes head*

Our support is nation wide, and after a while you do start to notice you'll get more dumb callers from a particular state, than others..

The one where I'm too depressed about work to come up with a proper title..

My team leader mentions I've been quiet lately..

Somehow I don't think it's appropriate to correct her and say I'm not quiet, I'm depressed.

I'm depressed that I have to deal with idiots like the following..

(Just remember I do tech support for a program)

Cust: I've saved a file to my computer and I can't find it.
Me: Um.. you've called XYZ support, can I help you with XYZ?
Cust: I've saved a file to my computer and I can't find it..
Me: :thinking: how can I politely tell this guy to fuck off cause it's got nothing to do with my job??
Cust: Can you help me find the file?
Me: I don't really know about the system you are running there, maybe you should call your internal support, or trying using the windows search function.. *sighs*
Cust: Oh.. ok..
Me: GOODBYE!

ARUGH!! Are people that lazy and stupid that they just call the first number they have in speed dial regardless of the problem??

And..

Cust: If I sent in a file with some payments, can I can cancel some of the payments.
Me: Sure, let me transfer you to the file processing department to get those canceled.
Cust: Oh.. I haven't sent the file yet, but there are some payments I want to cancel, so can I do that after I send the file in?
Me: Um, wouldn't it be better if you recreated the file with those entries removed, THEN send the file in?
Cust: (whiney voice) Oh, but I don't want to go back and recreate those files..
Me: Ok, send the file in, call us, or call the department that process the files and get the entries removed.. they will probably also want you to fax in the request on the company letterhead with signatures of the account holders.
Cust: ok.. I'll recreate the file then..

GRRRL! Why didn't you listen to me in the first place you stupid lazy woman!

TGIF and I am FINISHED FOR THE DAY!

The one where the stupids attack..

Urgh... it's the first few days back after the holidays..
and all that alcohol consumed must have killed off a whole bunch of brain cells..

Not that they had that many to begin with..

Some classic one liners from today...

Cust: It's saying invalid authorisation code, what does that mean?
Me: You are typing in an invalid authorisation code, type the right one in.
Cust: Oh, okay.

Cust: It's telling me it can't log me on because I'm already logged on.
Me: Are you already logged on?
Cust: Oh yes, I am.

Cust: It's saying it can't connect because there is no dial tone..
Me: did you check and see if you had a dial tone?
Cust: err no...
Me: oO.. so lets check it then..
Cust: Oh.. I'm not getting a dial tone..
Me: Call your phone service provider then, bye.

Urgh.. *stab stab*

The one where I think...

It might be time for this blog to come to an end..
things are no longer that funny, and I can't seem to laugh about it anymore..

All I want to do is cry..

Me: So let me get this right, on Friday you were running version xyz of this program, and now today it is showing version wxy, and you're advising me nothing has changed.
Cust: Nothing has changed.
Me: *blink* but.. obviously something has changed.. it has gone back to the old version.
Cust: Yes I know that, but nothing has changed.
Me: but.. it has! *sighs* um.. ok.. never mind.. *starts to cry*

The one where I have to restrain myself from saying "this is my problem how??"

Call drops in..

TSM: XYZ support, my name is TSM, how can I help you?
Cust: My name is Jenny and I'm calling from some big electrical company, and I know I have to upgrade my program but this computer doesn't have a cd-rom..
TSM: :thinking... this is my problem how??: err, sorry, we don't have the upgrade avaliable on floppy disk.
Cust: How will I install the program them??
TSM: um, get a cd rom drive installed?
Cust: How do I do that?
TSM: Err, that's not something I can really provide support for.. do you have an IT department.
Cust: Yes, I do!
TSM: Speak to them.
Cust: Ok! Bye!

Sometimes I hate so called "IT" people, but at other times, I love them and feel very sorry for them and the idiots they have to put up with.

At least I can hang up on my customers... not that I would do that :)

The one where I give the customers extra snark for their money..

I'm just sitting there.. waiting for a call to drop in when..

TSM: Tech support, my name is TSM how can I help you
Cust: *silence for a minute or two, then eventually I hear the footsteps of the customer * Hello..
TSM: Hi...
Cust: Is this company XYZ?
TSM: That's who *you* called...
Cust: Aren't you going to ask me any questions..
TSM: Can I get your ID then (what I really wanted to say was.. nope.. you're the one calling for help.. it might make more sense for you to ask me the questions.. but I didn't.. )
Cust: Oh, let me go get that.. I wasn't expecting anyone to answer so soon..

URGH!! WHY ARE YOU CALLING FOR THEN! IF YOU DON'T WANT HELP NOW, DON'T CALL NOW!

The can of coke and merange for breakfast probably explains why I'm so highly strung this morning hehe..